8/11/2020
Have you found yourself in a spot where you feel like you’re hitting a wall when you are talking to someone with depression? Even if you are giving them a compliment?
I’ve been there too. Except, I’m usually the one on the receiving end.
I want to begin with saying that my primary love language is Words of Affirmation. That means that I want you to tell me that you appreciate me and that I did a good job. However, when struggling with depression, Words of Affirmation become my biggest target for enemy fire.
Let me explain. When my mind is in a dark place and I am struggling with depressive thoughts, those depressive thoughts fight against my love language. Others might compliment me, but since that’s a battleground in my mind, the depression doesn’t allow me to receive those compliments.
A real life example is when I am feeling depressed and my husband looks at me and says “you’re beautiful.” Before I can even process that and receive the compliment (which is hard enough for me to do in the first place), those depressive thoughts creep in and strike.
No you’re not. You’re ugly. He doesn’t mean that.
*Sigh* “You’re right” I think, agreeing with the thought.
Other times I struggle through the day and it takes everything I have to make a meal for my family so that we can finish out our night with dinner and our bedtime routine. “Dinner was good babe,” my husband will say, followed immediately by more negative thoughts flooding my mind.
It was alright, but you could have done better.
*Sigh* “I know,” I think, again, agreeing with this new thought.
The mind is a huge battle ground for depressive thoughts to strike. If you have a loved one struggling with depression and you are doing your best to help them—even speaking their love language—just know that it is nothing that you’re doing wrong.
One technique my husband has adapted to which helps me a lot is he will say things like “you’re beautiful,” and before I can say or think anything else, he will follow up with “yes you are! I don’t care what you’re thinking. I think you’re beautiful.”
He can tell by the look on my face or the tone of my voice that I am struggling and he has learned to adapt.
Please know that this wasn’t something we did from the beginning of our relationship. This was a learned behavior that arose because of meltdown after meltdown on my part. My husband also did lots of communicating with me and evaluating me to see my response at different times.
If this is a mindset you find yourself in and you think this small change would help to lift your spirit in those moments, share this with those closest to you.
If you are looking into this to help a loved one, try this too. You can even be as aggressive with it as “I don’t care what you think. I think you’re amazing and right now that’s what matters.”
Depression can be mean. Don’t be afraid to get mean back!
You’ve got this! You are amazing and you are an overcomer! I don’t care what you think right now, because that’s what I think! 😉